At WiseTribe, we want to create an environment that fosters mentoring relationships – and friendships – among people of different generations.
WiseTriber Linda Davey sums it up well: “I understand and accept the need for some privacy on both age groups, and do generally prefer the unfiltered, honest conversations that seem to be released with age. However, I believe in balance. Relationships between and within age groups serve different purposes in our lives – and I value each, through for different reasons.”
Stay in the loop
Youth observes — and takes lessons from — those who walk ahead. We need to stay in their loop. Linda added, “I learn from them as much as perhaps they can learn from me, and that continues to enrich my understanding of human nature (and sometimes even my understanding of self).”
But how do we develop these mentoring relationships outside of business or community organizations? How do we structure these relationships and start to have some of the difficult conversations we need to bring about solutions to problems in our world? One model for mentoring, called the Moon-Wilcher model, says that all of us need three kinds of mentoring relationships to help us navigate challenges.
They are the “Wise Guide,” the “Side Guide” and the “Surprise Guide.”
Wise Guide
When we think of mentoring, this is usually what we imagine: the wise sage gently guiding the young adventurer along the paths of life. Having someone a little further ahead on the journey to go to for help can make all the difference as we grow through life.
The need for these relationships doesn’t end when we hit mid-life. We all need “Wise Guides” to help us know what comes next and what we should be doing now to prepare successfully.
Of course, younger generations don’t always realize their need for Wise Guides. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is offer a safe, non-judgmental space for young people to explore their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. They need to know we are listening, so start by asking them what they care about or what they think the biggest problems in the world are. Build on their thoughts and affirm their passions, even if you disagree with their methods.
Once that relationship is established, they will be much more likely to listen to our experience when they face challenges.
Side Guides
In any journey, we not only need people ahead of us to guide us, we also need people beside us to support us. Although we may not be at the same place in life as younger generations, we can still come alongside them, whether they’re struggling in school, feeling overwhelmed by work and raising children, or experiencing loneliness because they live far from home.
As Side Guides, we can support other generations, taking some of the load off so they can step back and re-evaluate. This opens up time for the conversations we need to have as a culture about issues that affect both older and younger generations, like overwork, ageism and the environment.
Many of WiseTribe’s intergenerational events are structured to create a “Side Guide” feel; we come together around a common activity, whether it’s improvisation, a lecture, or a wine-tasting, to discuss and learn together as equals.
Surprise Guides
As Linda said above, sometimes we can learn more from our younger mentees than they do from us mentors. This is in fact one of the perks of mentoring — the reverse mentoring that takes place in a two-way relationship.
By staying involved in the lives of different generations, we continue learning and growing. We can experience the unexpected and take advantage of new technology and skills we could never have imagined.
This also offers real benefits for younger generations. They develop self-confidence and a renewed appreciation for their abilities when they have the chance to help others. They realize the importance of sharing their skills in community and see firsthand the benefits of offering their time with someone else. This can be hugely empowering for both young and old.
WiseTribe mentoring
WiseTribe fosters this kind of mentoring through initiatives like the “digital natives to digital instructors” events, where school children help educate older generations in the use of technology, but there are opportunities for this kind of mentoring everywhere.
We can all help the “digital natives” around us feel needed, wanted and listened to by letting them invest their time in our companies, initiatives, or even just small projects we’re working on.
We can show them that we don’t fit the negative stereotypes of aging by continuing to grow and asking them to teach us. We can demonstrate the importance of lifelong learning by listening to their advice. Modeling a willingness to learn from others may be the most important legacy we can leave the next generations.
Have you had positive experiences along the lines of the “Wise Guide,” the “Side Guide,” and the “Surprise Guide” spectrum? We’d love to you hear you thoughts on the value exchange that can be had across the generations.
Got other ideas or stories about mentoring? Let us know! Check out our blog for more insights on how WiseTribers are adding meaning to their lives and to others by mentoring. Join us to contribute your ideas!
You should jump in here. Like it? Not so much? Have something to say about it? Let us know by adding a comment. This is your community.
Elizabeth Kays is a storyteller with a background in science and a deep love for all things intercultural and intergenerational. She graduated with a master’s degree in chemistry from the University of Oxford, deepening her appreciation for science and culture. Elizabeth has more than 10 years of experience helping Millennials discover their talents. She’s more than a little bit nerdy and loves cooking, writing, speaking and watching cheesy sci-fi. Follow her on Twitter (@LizKays) and on Tumblr.
